When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Randomize
