Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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