I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Randomize
