I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
