I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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