I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
