a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
