you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize