he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
