I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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