she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
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Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
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If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
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