Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
