Is it because I queefed?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
