What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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