Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
