My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Randomize
