found the other keg... it's in the tree
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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