guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
