im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Randomize
