I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
smell my finger.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
