Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
