I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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