Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
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Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
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We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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