Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Randomize
