she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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