I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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