we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
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Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
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I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.