I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
