Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
