matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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