After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
