After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
