I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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