The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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