i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
he fucked my hip out of place.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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