ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
