when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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