At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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