She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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