YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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