Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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