I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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