Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
