New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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