My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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