these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
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She swung at the pinata with crutches
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
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My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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