Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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