Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
