Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
