i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
