Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
