Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
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