We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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