whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize