Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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