Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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