I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
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As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
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Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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