and you said cock pushups were impossible
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
