They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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